In she appeared on the cover of New York magazine wearing cowboy boots and stuffing herself with cheesy crisps from a bag held open between her spread legs; the image illustrated a scornful analysis of America by the writer Tad Friend as a "White Trash Nation", overrun by rednecks like Beavis and Butt-Head and Lorena Bobbitt the harridan who chopped off her cheating husband's penis and of course Clinton and his bimbos. Skyscraper, in which she plays a helicopter pilot who clutches her chopper's joystick with scarlet talons as she ferries passengers between high-rise landing pads in Los Angeles, gives her a properly divine job of salvation to do. She also has various photosets and a few hot lesbian pictures floating around. These were her "longevity drugs", though they were part of what shortened her life rather than prolonging it. Along with the usual female accoutrements, her handbag contained enough uppers and downers to concuss and then resuscitate an elephant.
Nowadays any celebrity who misbehaves is likely to be called a diva, but Anna Nicole will soon have a legitimate right to the name: Someone asks one of Anna Nicole's nubile colleagues what the nonsensical plot is all about. The Reagan era legitimised greed; Anna Nicole's grossness was a logical consequence of this shift in public morality. Anna Nicole herself seems to be in awe of them as she fingers a nipple and palpates the squashy mounds; the man is, at best, a substitute for her vibrator. Anna Nicole referred to them as transplants not implants, as if they had been grafted on; they caused her crippling back problems, and in a saline sac ruptured, leaked and shrivelled, leaving her with an asymmetrical chest. Gossips reported on romps with girlfriends in a seething jacuzzi, and in the reality show she seems happiest when comparing implants with some Las Vegas dancers who are naked except for their sequins. What provoked this aria was not remorse or a tormented conscience; a mirror had given her a confidential glimpse of her oversized bum and, like every other self-advertising neurotic on reality TV, she was acting up for the cameras. In the administration of George W Bush accepted responsibility for Anna Nicole by sending its solicitor general to file a brief for her during her dispute with the Texas probate courts over the Marshall millions. The gaudily uninhibited Anna Nicole belongs in opera, where her many predecessors include the man-killing heroine of Alban Berg's Lulu. Whenever that happened she would shimmy, squeal and ask the ogling crowd: Bill Clinton found greasy food and easy women irresistible, and right-wingers argued that he and Anna Nicole -- both spawned by dysfunctional families from the southern underclass -- were interchangeable. Stern then exchanged vows with Anna Nicole on a yacht in the Bahamas, after which they ate a wedding breakfast shipped in from the American mainland by Kentucky Fried Chicken. Thomas's expletives may be new, but nothing else should startle genteel music-lovers. She also has various photosets and a few hot lesbian pictures floating around. Anna Nicole did not end in a state of grace. In opera, however, these wantons all finish redeemed. Caught out by Stern, she bawls at him in the street: In , her daughter Dannielynn was born on television by caesarean section. Like one of the sacred prostitutes who pleasured worshippers in the temples of Babylon, she belonged to whoever fantasised about her. Hence the barrage of misogynistic abuse, as lethal as gunfire, against which she battles in Skyscraper. Ain't it kinda painful? Her appearance in one of the Naked Gun sequels earned her an award as worst new star with OJ Simpson taking an equivalent honour as worst supporting actor. Like America with its trickle-down theory of affluence, she allowed the rest of the world to partake of her bounty, so long as it remained appropriately grateful for the favour. Anna Nicole's life beggared the most lurid fiction. She was the perfect celebrity, sustained by effrontery and unblessed by talent. Later she urgently announces "I gotta pee!
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